queer DID system Meeresbande

manhatingbabyeater:

Accommodating disabled people isn’t destroying the environment, capitalism is.

A former friend of mine, whose perspectives I used to value deeply. talks a lot about how ace/aro (and poly/kinky) people enable relationship abuse because of their radical views on relationship dynamics. Our friendship ended just as I was starting to come out as ace/aro, and they said some things that heavily implied that they thought MY views on relationships were abusive. This hurt a lot to hear, as I am also a survivor of abuse. How can I be sure that I'M not hurting people?
Anonymous

resourcesforacesurvivors:

Hi, there, anon.  Sorry I took so long to respond to this; I’ve been a little swamped this week.

First of all, I can’t really comment on poly/kink, but I really recommend you check out pervocracy’s blog, ‘cause he’s written some on the difference between BDSM and abuse that you might find helpful.  (Followers, if you have more resources, please do let me know.)

On the ace/aro side, I vehemently disagree with your former friend.  Ace/aro relationship dynamics allow people to find a dynamic that works for them, rather than forcing them into an ill-fitting, societally mandated relationship structure.  Can abuse happen in non-conventional relationships?  Yes, absolutely.  But it isn’t caused by non-normative relationships—it’s caused by the people in them.

I know that often the people reacting to ace/aro relationships with “that’s abusive” are people who think they are entitled to certain things from other people—sex, certain types of affection, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship labels, etc.  Nobody is entitled to anything from anyone, and the whole point of non-normative relationships is to allow both parties to give/receive whatever affection/commitment/priority/physical interaction they feel comfortable/willing/happy to give/receive.  I can’t know what your former friend was thinking, so I don’t know whether this was their objection or not, to be honest.

Are your views on relationships abusive?  I wish I could say, “No, absolutely not!” but I don’t know what they are.  Are they abusive solely because you’re ace and/or aro?  No.

How can you know you’re not hurting people?  There is probably no way to be 100% sure that you’re hurting 0% of the population at any time—there may be some entitled person who thinks they deserve more time/energy/affection/priority than you can (or are willing) to give them.  Is it really worth it to compromise to make that person (who maybe you don’t even like) happy?  Well, no.  The best you can do is be aware of your behavior and how it may be affecting others.  Check in with your partner(s) and/or other important people in your life.  Talk to each other and keep talking.  Remember that there are things you can control and things you can’t.  If your existence is hurting someone (because they want to date you, have sex with you, etc.), there is nothing you can (or should!) do about that.  If your behavior is hurting someone, you can control that.

I wish I could give better advice or be more reassuring, but I think this is about the best I can do given the limited amount of information I have.  Hopefully some of this is helpful to you, and maybe some of my followers will have better advice.

cute-overload:

It’s the Crane Family Out for a Stroll

cute-overload:

It’s the Crane Family Out for a Stroll

Oh my god. You're like the embodiment of all the crazy people on this website.
Anonymous

Yeah we’ve noticed!

image

It’s important for little girls to know not every story has to be a love story and for boys to know that soldiers aren’t the only ones to triumph in war.
Guilermo Del Toro - How Pacific Rim saved his life

“I wanted to show that men and women can be friends without having a relationship,” says del Toro of the relationship between the two main characters Mako (played by Japanese actress Rinko Kikuchi) and Raleigh (“Sons of Anarchy” star Charlie Hunnam). “Theirs is a story about partnership, equality and a strong bond between partners. It’s important for little girls to know not every story has to be a love story and for boys to know that soldiers aren’t the only ones to triumph in war.”

Nice article, worth a read. (via nudityandnerdery)
Notice the people who are happy for your happiness, and sad for your sadness. They’re the ones who deserve special places in your heart.
Unknown (via stevenbong)
natinuz:

Ferrets playing inside a box of packing

natinuz:

Ferrets playing inside a box of packing

katedemedici:

Please stop drawing arbitrary lines in the sand.
Support rights for ALL animals. 

katedemedici:

Please stop drawing arbitrary lines in the sand.

Support rights for ALL animals. 

14 plays

Milch und Blut – Ballade von der gemeinsamen Zeit

I am mentally ill and

fandomqueer:

I am a person
I am a person
I am not an angel
I am not a tragic creature
I am human too
I am a person
I am not a fictional character
I am not here to die to make YOU stronger
I am a person
LISTEN TO ME
I am a person
Stop trying to erase that

Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 performed by the London Symphony Orchestra

acesys:

phoenix-ivory:

It’s selfish and absolutely terrible of me to feel things and express how things make me feel. It’s wrong of me to show my own pain.

Filed under: bullshit abusive people told us all our life.

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